definella's sanctuary

we're almost there,

I almost give up,
I planned it weeks ago,
& i thought i'm strong enough...
enough to let you go.

days have passed,
I trained myself to be numb,
I tried not to care,
though honestly it tears me apart.

I love you so much,
and I know you knew that.
but what is love,
if we always fight?

you don't understand my point
and i hardly understand yours.

when I thought there's no more use
in winning our battle,
when giving up is the only way,
I fin'lly decided to end it up.

I keep asking you for a day to meet up,
I even got mad cause you're not riding my plan.
we're not actually fighting that night,
i was the only mad and you were calm.

i hate it. you were different that night,
you ain't picking on me or even
throwing back your anger.

you stayed calm and damned!
for i realized by that moment..

I still love you, and yes... I couldn't afford to loose you.
I love you enough to let you go.



CHAROOOOOTTTTT!!!!
  
basta lang makabitaw ng tula.

whenever I'm depressed and gloomy
I'll sit down under a big yellow tree.
and there, golden birds will sing to me
they'll make me forget life's melancholy.

whenever I want to shout and cry
I'll climb a mountain very high.
then I'll stay there from morn till night
I'll try to be calm with all my might.

when there's a thing that's bothering me
I'll enter a colorful cave then I'll be free.
free from life's sorrows and miseries
in a cave really full of mysteries.

nothing is impossible in my lovely world,
it was really blessed by our dear Lord.
sadness has no space in me
when I'm in my world of fantasy.

Bakit di ko agad nakita?
Pag-ibig mo di agad napuna.
Tuloy ngayon nagsisisi,
Pag-ibig mo'y di na mahuli.

Ikaw ba'y napagod na?
Pagmamahal saki'y tinigil na?
Di na ba maibabalik?
Pagmamahal mo'y di na mauulit?

Kung maibabalik lang ang nakaraan,
Pagmamahal mo'y agad susunggaban.
Di na muli magaagam-agam
Pagkat ito'y akin ng inaasam.

Mensaheng ito iyo sanang mabasa
Pagkat sabihin sayo ng harapa'y di ko kaya.
Nadarama'y idinaan sa tula,
Mensahe nito'y sa puso nagmula.

Mahal na kita ngayon,
Maaari mo bang ibalik ang iyong nararamdaman noon?

I remember when i saw you with her,
You look terribly happy, no wonder
it's like the happiness i felt,
when you and me were together.

You brighten up my days,
Yet, you also darken my nights.
You make me laugh out loud,
Yet you pull my tears down my eyes.

Things have change,
and so are we.
Yesterday is part of the past,
and we could never get it back.

The laughter and tears will remain,
and will miss more of them,
I wish someday somehow,
you would still remember my name.

Time to pick up my self
and start a brand new life
We both have our own life now,
but you'll remain here in my heart.


Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream.


---------------

My unfinnised poem which i completed just a while ago (teka, alangan ako sa ingles ko,tama ba grammar ko?) Nakita ko kanina sa isa sa mga folder sa laptop ko, 4 paragraphs pa lang sya nun, bitin yung laman ng tula kaya dinagdagan ko ulet. Then post na :)

when i am with you
i feel so complete,
all my worries are gone
they vanish and fade.
our little talks
kisses and hugs
all of them are what i miss.

i remember your voice
and i miss your eyes,
those soft warm hands
that wrap around mine.
all the sweet whispers you make
brought shiver to my spine.

you just dont know
how i miss you so,
so baby come back to me,
and together we'll fly high
until we reach up the sky.



-ang kulet talaga ng isip ko, matutulog na dapat ako eh. biglang may nabuong tula sa utak ko. ayun kuha ng phone, bukas ng opera mini, at nagpost sa blogspot.


oh siya sige, tulog na ko ah nytnyt^^

ilang linggo rin kitang iniyakan,
ilang gabi rin na ikaw ang laging nasa isipan.
pero nang mga oras na yun,
wala ni isang bahid ng galit
akong naramdaman.
pilit nagtatanong ang aking isipan,
bakit mo ko iniwan ng ganun ganun lang?
tahimik, walang bakas, walang imik..
buong akala ko abala ka lang.
yun pala,
unti-unting lumalayo kana.
nakita ko siya,
siya na ipinagpalit mo sa akin.
naiintindihan ko, alam ko..
ang ikinaiinis ko lang,
bakit di ko makuhang magalit sayo?
unti-unti kong tinanggap
ang aking kapalaran,
araw araw sinubukan kong ika'y kalimutan.
lumipas ang walong buwan,
lahat ng bakas at alaala mo'y akin ng nalimutan.

pero kagabi, anong nangyari sayo?
ihip ng hangin, bigla atang nagbago.
nagparamdam ka,
pangalan mo ang nakita ko
ng tumunog ang cell ko.
anong gusto mo?
diba nga't iniwan mo na ko?
sa umpisa natuwa ako
sapagkat naalala mo ako,
ngunit makalipas ang limang segundo,
narealize ko,
mali pala ang sumaya ako,
iniwan mo ko,
pinaiyak mo ko,
ayoko na, tama na..
mas mabuti ng kalimutan ka,
wag mo nang balikan
ang mundo kong winasak mo noon.














on the spot yung tula ko sa taas, akalain mo yun?! hahaha.. ayaw na talaga, tama na..

gumagawa ako nun ng drawing ng isang ipis na balak ko isubmmit sa entry ni kikilabotz ng biglang magring yung phone ko, and then yun nga, nakita ko name 'niya' sa screen.. aba napasmile ba naman ako, but then naalala ko yung sakit na nangyari nung iwan niya ko.. so ayun, tumaas adrenaline ko.. hinayaan ko lang yung phone ko. balik ako dun sa dinodrawing ko, binura ko lahat, pinalitan ko ng isang short message at ginawa kong 'picture of the day' dun sa 365 days photos ko..

at ayun nga pala sa taas yung sinasabi kong short message :)


saka na muna yung ipis.. mahirap kasi magdrawing kung di ka naman talaga marunong. pero syempre magsusubmmit pa rin ako, nangako na ko weh.aheh :
)

.
i met you at uzzap,
we became a good bud,
we created a great bond.
you talk to me like nothing,
but i listen to you like you were my everything.
sad to say i have to keep this feeling,
our friendship, i dont want to be ruin.
were not destined...
cause you're an engineer and im a programmer.
such a different world, isn't it?
i know you wouldn't like me,
in any possible way.
so i'll just keep you in my heart.
there, you'll be burried forever and ever.




i wrote this poem way back 2008.
geez, patay na patay ako sa kanya nun.. ssshh!
pero tanggap ko na, tagal na.
natatawa lang ako sa poem na toh,
grabe pala ko ng mga oras na yun noh,
high na high.. haha..


i miss him, our tandem.
and i miss them, our uzzap family.


*_*

me:
they say you're a playboy,
you play with girls like a cowboy.
they say you're a waste,
until you see me in the maze.

him:
they say you're common,
just like those flirts who bumps on.
but the moment i saw your face,
i knew you were my missing piece.

me:
i saw you when you look at me,
you manage to carry a smile.
i should've ignore it,
but i just can't fight it.

him:
i wanted to approach and talk to you,
but im afraid you wont let me to.
i know what you think about me,
but what will i do? im so in to you.

me:
should i let this feeling take over?
when i know you'll eventually hurt me?

him:
can i have my chances?
and prove to you that i'm worth it?



we:
whatever it takes, i will accept.
though i might hurt you,
or i might hurt myself,
atleast i tried, and never regret.

medyo matagal na rn tong picture sa phone ko.
i guess december2008 pa to..
buti na lang nasa phone ko pa :)


a short poem for my dearest mom..

i thank the Lord, for bringing you to our life.
a woman who gave birth to me,
a woman who took care of me,
a woman who teaches me,
who also at times, punnish me.
a woman, whom i used to call ''nanay.''


thanks for everything nay.
kung di dahil sayo, wala kami ngayon ng mga kapatid ko.
kung di dahil sayo, di namin mararamdaman
ang pagmamahal ng isang ina.
at kung di dahil sayo, wala ang pamilyang to.
salamat nay dahil patuloy mo iniingatan ang pamilya natin.
sana wag ka magsawa at mapagod samin.
alam ko pasaway kami magkakapatid.
pasensya na po, patawad at maraming salamat.


ang mga salita niya ay puspos ng kaalaman
at ang turo niya ay pawang katapatan.
sinusubaybayan niyang mabuti ang kanyang sambahayan
at hindi tumitigil sa paggawa araw-araw.
iginagalang siya ng kanyang mga anak
at pinupuri ng kanyang kabiyak.
maraming babae na mabuting asawa,
ngunit sa kanila'y nakahihigit ka.
magdaraya ang pang-akit at kumukupas ang ganda
ngunit ang babaing may takot kay Yahweh
ay pupurihin ng balana.
ibunton sa kanya ang lahat ng parangal,
karapat-dapat siya sa papuri ng bayan.

PROVERBS 31:26-31


bihira ko lang toh sabihin,

I LOVE YOU NAY!
happy mothers day.

i closed my eyes, and i see no light
darkness filled my sight,
i can’t see nor hear anythin’
it’s as if i was turned into blind and deaf.

im afraid of the dark,
but i just cant stop my eyes from closing
it has the urge to shut down,
and i just cant do anything but to let it happen.

in the darkness, i feel so alone,
weak and literary scared.
i feel i would break down in any minute
but im fighting everyting.. for one thing.

i made a deal with a black witch,
and that is the reason why im doing this.
im letting myself to face my biggest fear,
in exchange of giving my mom a chance to live.

my mom is suffering from an unknown disease,
and the only cure will be found in the darkness
a golden leaves with a diamond shape,
is the solution for her sick.

the black witch helped me to get in the said darkness,
giving me 24 hours to look for the said leaves,
and if i wont find the cure within 24 hours,
she’ll take my life as an exchange.

i slowly walk forward,
taking time to adjust my eyes from darkness
i cant see anything, and cant hear either.
no voice came out from my mouth no matter how i shout.

i starting to loose my hope,
starting to give up, and stop.
when suddenly the beautiful face
of my mom appear in my mind.
oh god, i cant afford to stop, not now.
its between life of my mom and mine.

so i stand up, i ran as fast as i can,
not caring where im going,
i ran fast even if i cant see anything.
i trust my feet, i know this will lead me to something,
something i was looking for.

i looked down on my wrist, and check the time.
i only got 43minutes more, my hope are still up.
i wont give up, i cant loose this deal.
i have to win.

when suddenly i saw a small light,
i began to smile and ran so fast,
i didnt notice i already conquered my fear,
i am not afraid of the dark anymore.

i am close to the light when suddenly
my feet bump on a big rock,
i fell on my feet and i felt the pain,
i touch my knee and my hands became wet.
a blood!! my knees are bleeding oh god!

i check my time, and i only got 3minutes,
i have to stand up, i have to get the golden leaves.
but my legs are to weak now,
my legs are betraying me, i started to cry.

then suddenly i heared a voice,
i heared the black witch! she was laughing!
i know whats going to happen next if i wont force myself.
i closed my eyes, then my hormones start kickin’ again.

i now have the strenght to stand up again,
i was mad, too mad. i can no longer feel any pain.
i was too numb to feel anything now,
i am too busy running my way to the light.

the bitch i mean the witch start counting down
she laughs each number she’s droppin down.
“your soul will be mine in a few seconds!!!”
then she laughs again like hell i could define.

five.. four.. and im still running..
three.. two.. i am close now.
one..!!!




the darkness fade..
*the which laugh*



……

…..

….

…

..

.

.

.

.


“ella!! ella! wake up!
you’ll be late to school honey..”
i start to open my eyes
and saw the beautiful face of my mom.

“mom, you are healed! you are healed!”
i grin and hugged her so tight,
she pushed me away with a confusing eyes,
“honey, what are you talkin about, im not sick
now go to bathroom and take a shower, ok”
then she kissed me on the forehead and leave.

“so it was all just a dream??”
i murmured to myself..
and enter the bathroom.

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