definella's sanctuary

ang labo ng title ko. kelangan pa ata ng explanation.
                

last year, nung mga panahong active pa ko sa pagpopost at pagbibisita ng mga blogs ng iba. hindi pa ganito ang itsura ng pag "create new post". astig pa yung dati kasi kahit sa cellphone lang nakakapagpost ako.


ngayon, na gusto ko na magbalik.. naiinis naman ako!
nag-upgrade na pala ang blogspot. ganito na ang itsura ng pag "create new post".

again.... its been months since the last time i visited my blog.

**sigh**

maraming nagbago.. sa buhay ko.
sila mismo nagsabi.. nag transform ako.
pero emotionally.. malungkot pa rin.
cause im still head over feet with this guy.

this guy is the reason for everything.
sa umpisa tahimik lang akong nagmamahal sa kanya.
as time goes by.. mas napapalapit na kami sa isa't-isa.


pero di ko maintindihan ang drama niya.
there would come a time na ok kami.
i thought the feeling was mutual and then suddenly... lalamig.
lilipas ang araw magiging ok na naman.. tapos manlalamig na naman.

ang sabi ko sa kanila pagod na ako.
....Oo, pagod na ko.
ang sabi ko sa kanila magmomove forward na ko.
..Oo, tinatry ko.

pero sa tuwing tinatawag niya ang pangalan ko,
lahat ng mga sinabi ko, kinakain ko.


ang masaklap, there is no "us"
hindi MU
hindi magkaibigan
kundi magkatrabaho lang.


lang.



ayoko na. pero gusto ko pa rin siya.
hindi ko alam kung anong nakita ko sa kanya.
hindi siya ideal, aminado ako.
pero bakit siya ang tinitibok nito?

♫ I'm happy...
I'm feeling glad..
I got sunshine... ♫
ang saya ko talaga kaninang umaga.. iiieeehh.



lagi kami nagkakatabi sa jeep pagpasok ng trabaho, pero kanina lang niya ko kinibo. kahapon lang, nagkahiwalay pa kami kasi sumingit si manong sa gitna namin, pero ngayon bawing-bawi na ako. quotang quota na! woooh..
medyo mahaba haba din napagkwentuhan namin, nagsimula lang sa...

"ang aga nating dalawa ngayon ah"

pareho kasi kami nag-aantay ng jeep nung time na yun.. around 5am. gaya ng sabi ko, lagi kami nagkakasabay sa pagpasok sa trabaho. tas ayun na nga, todo smile naman ako nung kausapin niya ko, sabi ko sa sarili ko, "yes napansin rin ako" tapos naman, sa sobrang saya ko.. "Oo nga" lang nasagot ko. grrh, sabi ko 'patay na, end of conversation agad to' ang tipid ng sagot ko.


pero hindi...


buti na lang may follow up question siya. at dun na nagsimula ang kwentuhan namin habang nag-aantay ng 1st trip na jeep. napag usapan din namin yung day-off bukas. wala siya pasok pero ako meron, di pa kasi ako nakaka 1month sa work kaya di pa ako makakasabay sa day-off bukas.. (wawa naman ako)

ngayon, naalala ko.. di ko siya makakasabay bukas sa pagpasok sa work. then sa monday, iba na shift ko, di ko na siya makakasabay... hala, kelan na ulet?

Hi Mommy!
Sunday, July 11, 2010 at 1:16pm

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few
weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise.
Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got
beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I
will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me
your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we
have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to
be a doctor when I grow up.



You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't
wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was
perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I
will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I
know it already.



Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about
me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that
you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called
wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand
yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did
something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and
your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad
for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It
doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after,
and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I
do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I
don't like it, Mommy.



Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and
you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes,
and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most
beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm
happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait
and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will
make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.



I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your
hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love
you, Mommy.



Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting
funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't
know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry,
Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to
protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good
person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want
us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?



You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?



It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or
touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I
still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when
you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug
me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do
that when you're awake, any more?



I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going
somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a
hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell
you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.



...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't
know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think
something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared,
Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love
you!



Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It
feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!



Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They
told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.



Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you
get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something
wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why
don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want
to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care
about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say
you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and
see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I
want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did
something wrong. I love you!





I love you, Mommy.



Every abortion is just…



One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.




i found it circulating on facebook.. the picture intrigues me, so nakibasa na rin ako. I wasn't done reading the entire letter when i decided to repost it, here.. (ok, now that i've posted it, tatapusin ko na ang pagbabasa.)

isang week rin ako nawala dito sa bahay.. balik pagboboard ulit. kung pwede lang talagang palaging 1st shift ako sa trabaho, di na sana ako magboboard. kaso no choice, every two weeks, nagpapalit ng shift sa trabaho ko. dagdag gastos pa tuloy (bayad sa rent). tapos di na rin ako makapag net araw araw.
tapos na din pala sa wakas yung training namin. employed na ko
ang saya rin nung training namin kahit minsan inaantok ako, gawa ng 2pm to 10 pm ang shift ko. meron na rin pala kaming mga team ngayon. bali, ibi-nase yung name ng mga grupo namin sa product ng client namin. namely McIntosh (red), Braeburn (green), Cortland (blue) at Cameo (pink). and sadly, yung mga nakakilala ko nung start ng training eh hindi ko nakagrupo. pero ngayon, ayos na.. may bago na naman akong nakakilala at nakakaclose ngayon. si Ron at Gina, palagi ko silang kasabay magbreak at magdinner, pati rin pala magwithdraw . team Cortland kami. ewan, pero kung ako papapiliin, mas gusto ko sa McIntosh, haha andun kasi yung "apple of my eye" charrr!!

nakuha ko na rin yung allowance ko sa training. ang saya lang sa feeling kapag kahit papano, nabilhan mo magulang mo ng bagay na galing sa sarili mong bulsa noh? nabilhan ko na si nanay ng promise kong blender, pati yung request niyang rice cooker na may steamer. tapos nag ambag rin ako sa grinocery namin kahapon. thank you talaga Lord sa blessing!

maya maya, i'll be leavin' my home again.. balik boarding house. so, pano ba yan computer, see you next week?

Sa wakas, may pinagkakaabalahan na ulit ako maliban pa sa pagsagot ng crossword puzzle. *huge smile* Nasa training na ko, kasama si odhie! Buti na lang nga at nagkasama kami sa iisang project kahit di kami sabay nag apply nuon. At teka, andun din pala si tinga *grin* classmate ko nung highschool, walang pinagbago.. ang sarap niya pa rin i-joke at ang hilig pa rin niya mangurot. konti pa lang kilala ko sa team, yung mga nakakatabi ko lang sa upuan nakikilala ko, tulad ni.. ummnn.. jona – BU graduate din, tin – Comp programmer, Jonalyn – ano na nga ulet profile niya? Wapakz nalimutan ko na agad *shy smile* basta makulit na bata yun, lagi ako kinakalabit at nagpapatulong. Apelyido niya pala, PAPA. O, search na agad sa facebook dali!

Ganun pala dun, busy lahat ng mga tao. di gaya sa pinag OJT'han ko.. pafacebook facebook lang, kwentuhan at pakain-kain. Buong maghapon busy kami sa harap ng computer nagfoformat ng html codes; yung iba nagtatranscribe, yung iba writers. tunog lang ng keyboard ang pinakamaingay. Nung Monday to Wednesday ang iingay pa namin, tanong kami ng tanong kina ate tess at kuya alwin (assistant nila sir) kung anong gagawin. Pero the next day, keyboard na ang maingay, kami tahimik na. nakaka-adapt na. Ang daya pa.. sabi ni sir mag aasign siya ng isang tao para sa gagawa nung images sa photoshop, akala ko pag naassign na dun i-pupull out na sa pagformat ng html, yun pala hindi.. waaaaah nadoble pa tuloy yung trabaho. Taga format na, taga photoshop pa. pinagpapalista kami kung sino raw marunong sa photoshop, at pipili sila sir ng isang tao, gustong-gusto pa naman namin ni kuya (nakalimutan kong name niya,basta yung nakasabay ko sa pagpalista) na maasign sa photoshop dahil mas madali yun, kesa sa pagformat ng html. Ngorkz! Ayun, malas pala kasi madodoble ang trabaho. Sana hindi na lang ako napili sa photoshop na yun wahaha. Ngayon tuloy nahuhuli ako sa quota ng formatting. Ummnn… pero okay na rin, sige lang. keri naman. Atleast may irarason ako kung bakit di ko nahabol ang quota hahaha. *evil laugh*

DAY 01:
ang malas.. nasiraan ako ng flat shoes. on the first day of training pa! natanggal yung ribbon. >_<

DAY 02:
kinausap kami ng Gen. Manager.. sooooobrang nainspire ako. a man of few words, pero malaman! natatandaan ko pa yung sabi niya:

DAY 03:
kinausap ako ni sir George, interview about Photoshop. and unfortunately, i won the slot. ngorkz!

DAY 04:
ioorient daw ako about sa images... yun pala papapanoorin lang ako ng presentation. di man nag explain. waaaaaahh!

DAY 05:
quotang-quota na ko. 4 files ngayong araw. pwede na yun, to think multi tasking pa ko kumpara sa kanila. aba, dalawa kaya ginagawa ko. eh sila nagpo-format lang.

:D



Confidential lahat ng business na tumatakbo sa work namin, basta napakayaman at sikat na sikat (promise!) ang client namin. International siya gaya ng microsoft^^

super saya ko talaga.. suuuuuppppeer!! promise. naupload na sa mobile24 yung 8th book ni simone elkeles, kahapon lang. excited na ko magbasa.. waaaah.. ewan idol na idol ko talaga si simone ih, lahat ng gawa niya ang gaganda. light read lang. lalo tuloy ako nahohook sa mga teenage YA novels dahil sa mga gawa niya. around 16-19 ang age ng mga bida, kaya ang sasaya ng kwento, hindi masyado madrama, natawa pa ko palagi..

I've been doing some book covers for amateur writers on wattpad, for like a month now.. actually there's a lot of cover makers in there, and yet i choose to make my own thread.

Some cover artist do covers cause they say they were *bored* i guess it gives them something to work on. While others offer covers for an exchange.. like barter. i give you rice, you give me crops.. something like that. it depends on the artist's deal. and others make covers for free, BUT the covers they're making always has a watermark all over the canvass.. geez, I'd rather settle for the deal part..

and as for me? nothing.. just a habit. an outlet of my creativitism. my college friends and classmates, made me believe that i have this taste (i hate to call it talent, cause i don't have talent) when it comes to designing.. so i tried to put it into the canvass and share it to all wattpad users. they make request, i do it, end of story. no watermarks, no deals, and especially i make cover not because I'm bored.


It makes me want to do more for them because of their appreciation on my works. I also decided to blogged their comments here in my blogsite to remind myself that i did two things in one act. That is to help other people with their books, as well as help myself express and improve my so called creativeness. below are just some of the feedback I got from them..




































and my favorite comment was from creo.. geeez, he even mention the thing that i wasn't asking anything in return from them.. i totally love this guys <3

Lately, I've been really hooked up with Simone Elkeles' novels. kung dati, si Bob Ong #1 fav author ko, ngayon si Simone na.. #2 na lang si Bob Ong wahaha...

kung si Bob Ong variety ang genre niya, si Simone naman stick lang sa teen novels.. meron na siyang seven books.. tas may humahabol pang isa this august.. series sa 'the perfect chemistry'...

mahilig ako sa libro at lalong mahilig ako magbasa.. but since hindi naman ako mayaman, i usually read books na gustong gusto ko through mobile. ginu-google ko talaga yung name ng book, tas hahanapan ko ng .jar file para mabasa ko sa phone ko. then kapag wala ako mahanap na jar file nun, pdf nalang then ako na nagcoconvert sa jar using a software, pagkatapos itatransfer ko sa MMc ko at dun na ko magbabasa. kasi kung lagi kong hahanapin sa bookstore ang mga gusto kong libro, baka mamulubi na ako, diba?.. ang mamahal kaya, eh kung sa phone lang libre na..


eto mga books ni Simone na naka jar file.. pwedeng pwede na iinstall sa phone at basahin:


PERFECT CHEMISTRY click here







RULES OF ATTRACTION click here







LEAVING PARADISE click here







RETURN TO PARADISE click here






RUINED (how to ruin series) click here

• how to ruin a summer vacation
• how to ruin your teenage life
• how to ruin your boyfriend's reputation
  

oh diba? kumpleto ako? haha pero mas maganda sana kung hard book sila para nasa kwarto ko.. kaso ebook lang kaya ko eh, tsaka wala din simone elkeles sa National Books Store dito samin so keri lang kahit ebook.


kumpleto ko na yung 7 books ni Simone, nasa MMc ko na. pero apat pa lang nababasa ko, nasa pang limang book na ko and so far, nag eenjoy talaga ako, yung tipong ayaw ko na matulog sa gabi kakabasa.. *grin*

yung how to ruin series which compose of 3 books, eh kinompile na sa isang book sa tulong ng borders at tinawag na ruined.. so bale nasa pang last na akong book nun.. how to ruin your boyfriend's reputation na ako. dahil sa series na toh, mas lalo ako nacurious sa itsura ng mga israeli.. akala ko kasi parang indian lang sila, kasi diba mainit sa israel? tama? oh yun.. iniisip ko, maitim, madungis at mabaho.. LOL joke lang, basta yun.. eh habang nagbabasa ako ng RUINED, ang gwapo ng pagkakadescribe. para daw abercrombie model.. sabi ko whaat? israeli magmukhang model ng abercrombie? oh c'mmon.. tas ayun nga.. kanina niresearch ko tlaga kung ano itsura ng mga israeli men.. and oh my... kinain ko mga sinabi ko.. haha model nga... parang mga amerikano lang. ang lalaking tao at di naman maiitim.. may mga sinabi talaga ang fes. iiieeeh!!




lalo na to oh.. blue eyes and dark hair.. geeez eto type ko eh haha



oh sige.. matutulog na ko.. magbabasa pa ko bukas paggising eh.. si Avi bumalik na sa military training, excited to ^^..


*goodmornight XOXO

it started this morning 7:30 am.. gumising pa ko ng 5:45am para lang di umabot ng humihingal sa Building nila. yung 1 hour ko sa bus ginugol ko sa pagiidlip.. heck! master of sleepiness pa naman ako, so what do you expect? *yawn*


so pagdating dun, 'dug! dug! dug!' sabi ng puso ko.haha joke lang. di ako kinakabahan that time. nagwoworry ako sa requirements ko.. kulang kasi. eh bawal pa naman mag exam sa kanila pag kulang yung requirements.

tas maya maya may lumabas na girl sa pinto ng HR. ayan na.. ayan na si miss... si miss.. ah basta, nakalimutan ko name ni mam.. ang lakas kasi sound effect (sound effect? haha) ng aircon nung magpakilala si mam last time, kaya ayun di ko marinig masyado (nasa likod ko ang malaking aircon kaya nabibingi ako)

so yun, pagdating sa examination room dasal talaga ako ng dasal na makalusot ang requirements ko. at wapak! di naman nagcheck ng reqs! waaaaaaahhh!!! grabe yun, worry ako ng worry tas wala naman pala, ba't yun? bat di ko man lang naramdaman na walang magaganap na checkan ng reqs? hmpft! nasayang yung kabooogs kabooogs ng heart ko. di na naman pala strick sa reqs kapag nakapass na sa 2nd initiation.

at yun na nga, nagsimula na ang exam namin, ang lupit. yun na pinakamahabang exam sa buhay ko.. 7:30am-12:30pm walang break kahit 10 seconds. pwede naman magbreak, pero mas matatagalan lang oras ko. kaya inistraight ko na. naranasan ko na naman magcompose ng paragraphs using carabao english.. hahaha

korean man sa paningin, sa tagalog pa rin babasahin.





may ryhme pa yang sinulat ko^^

so tapos na interview, buti na lang nakalabas pa ko ng buhay. phew!

ayan ang requirements nila, yung sa may original copy ang wala pa ko kahit isa.




waaah, bat ganun.. parang gusto ko na umatras...